I Can't Even

I'm not sure if I'm the world's worst parent or my kid is a genius.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the world's worst parent, but today, my mind was blown on a nuclear scale.

It starts with all that parenting advice telling you to reward your child. Well, I can't say that's never backfired before. Take for example my now 16-year-old daughter. When she was 2 and potty training, I thought it was genius advice to put a jar of candy on the back of the toilet so when she went to the bathroom, she could have an M&M. Leave a 2-year-old in the bathroom for 5 seconds with M&Ms, guess what, she's rewarding herself with the whole jar.
My now 21-year-old daughter was a negotiator. "Mom, I'd like 5 cookies please." Nope. 5 Oreos, I guess if I want a cracked out 3-year-old terror in the middle of Walmart that would be ok. So I offer 2. She haggles for 4. I say 2 or none, she says "Ok, 3." And she gets 3. Because I was a mom, in Walmart with a child whose ADHD had gotten us kicked out of Walmart when she decided to fly out of a shopping cart into a rack full of shirts like she was just launched from a catapult.

My son, he's 10 and he has Asperger's Syndrome so getting him to do anything has never been easy. But I remembered from all the parenting advice, rewards. Kids love rewards. When he was potty training, I'd read about using a treasure chest full of dollar store items for rewards. Yeah! I had this thing nailed. No more stupid M&Ms! I'm nailing this mom thing! I found if I wanted him to do anything, at that time he'd do it for a Matchbox car. Fast forward 4 years and he'd do anything for Legos. I think at that time I only had a job to pay for Legos. That escalated quickly.

Fast forward again to age 10. We've been trying to get him to be more responsible, clean his room, brush his teeth, shower. With Aspies, hygiene does not rank high on the scale of priorities. I bargained with him that if he'd just commit to 2 showers a week, I'd buy him a Roblox card if he followed through. So today I'm in Target with the kids, and I casually mention to my son, "Hey, I think it's time for a haircut."

The following conversation happened:

"No Mom, I'm not ready yet." (Here's me thinking due to his AS, he needs to be more mentally prepared)

"Ok, so when? In like a week? Two weeks?"

"Yeah, two weeks."

"Are you sure because it's overgrown and I'm sure you'd feel much cooler on your head. We can see if Helen is working."

"No Mom. Haircuts are valuable."

"Huh? What? I don't even know what that means."

"They're valuable."

BAM!!! The lightbulb moment....

"Oh my gosh!! Are you telling me that they're valuable so you can negotiate for STUFF????"

"Duh. Baths, brushing my teeth, showers, haircuts...they're all valuable"

(At this point I think I'm in shock.... my daughters are looking at me like I grew a second head.)

"Ok Mom, I'll get a haircut today. I figured out what I want."

I started to think about the level of genius involved in all this scheming. I don't think the so called "experts" saw this s*it coming.

Suck it Dr. Spock.