Alright, so I haven't posted in a bit. That new job and all but I realized I needed to keep up with the blog because to my surprise, it does get quite a bit of traffic. So thank you, people for reading! So in case any readers don't know about the new job, I finally get to be a Substance Abuse Counselor. So far, I really like it.
So I usually try to write about thoughts that are sticking in my mind. This week I've been thinking a lot about trust. Most people I've discovered, think about trust in a broad sort of way like faithfulness to your spouse or children trusting parents not to harm them. I've also discovered that people wonder why their relationships break down and that a whole bunch of small broken bonds of trust can snowball into something bigger. When you promise your significant other you'll get the dishes done and you end up watching Netflix for 3 hours and then you go to bed, your SO will probably be mildly annoyed, but you will probably get another chance. You tell your kid that you'll play Minecraft with him after dinner, but damn you're almost done with the season finale so you brush it off. You tell your wife, "I love you so much I'm gonna give you a foot rub later" and then you go watch some season 2 and then it's time for bed. She doesn't say anything, she just goes to bed wondering why she's not a priority. Your kid goes to bed wondering why you don't want to spend time, and that maybe you even hate him.
So the next couple times you tell your kid, "I'll play with you after dinner" and he or she says, "No, that's ok" or you tell your SO, "I'll get the trash out after dinner" and he or she just stares at you and shrugs, you should probably rethink your priorities. If you say you will do something, make it a priority and follow through. If you think that these "small" things don't matter, don't be surprised when your kid says he hates you and your SO no longer cares to spend any time with you.
I've also discovered I'm a bad friend.
My best friend said, "You're an awesome friend to me and a bad friend to her." Well, my best friend has never broken any trust, not even mildly. She's honest and that's one of the reasons I love her. This other friend, we had somewhat of a falling out years ago and it's just never been the same. I can't quite get back into a place of trying to be a good friend. I'm not quite sure if the relationship doesn't mean that much, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say yeah, that's probably spot on. The trust was just too broken and it never really came back.
So my friends, today, keep your promises. Be a person that your family and friends can count on because they know you'll follow through. If you say you'll do the dishes, do it. If you say you'll play Barbie or Legos with your kid, do it. If you know you're gonna be tied up on Netflix until bedtime, be honest, we'd rather know you have no intention of spending time together than looking forward to it and having our heart stomped on at 10pm when you're too tired. Think about what your relationship means with your friend before you tell that lie, think about the hailstorm of damage you will rain down on your child after too many "forgotten" play dates.
You only get so many chances before you stop being someone's priority.
“Whatever joy there is in this world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in this world
All comes from desiring myself to be happy.”
Rinpoche, Sogyal. “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.” HarperCollins. iBooks.
